this shit rocks no. 45: on shampoo, 'shrooms, and salty crackers

Plus herby cornmeal biscuits AND a Brussels sprouts slaw!

When I returned to LA last week after my jaunt around New York, I was greeted by a *suspicious* tickle in the back of my throat, which slowly evolved into deeply inflamed tonsils (will spare you of the visuals!), which provided me with enough reason to head over to urgent care, where I then learned that I did, in fact, have strep throat. COOL.

This is the first time I’ve been sick in a long time (not including my emotional hangover after the Harry Styles concert), and for the love of God, I forgot how insanely boring it is. I watched so many TikToks that my brain is irreversibly poisoned, and I deep cleaned my apartment twice because I had nothing else to do.

Now that I have regained my good health, I am more revved up than ever to simply EXIST. I will never take swallowing my own saliva pain free for granted AGAIN. I am a phoenix rising from the ashes!!! Anyway, here are some things I’ve been into now that I have a new lease on life.

OGX Thick & Full + Biotin & Collagen Shampoo & Conditioner Set

During my Tour de New York, I spent one night at the Hotel de Emily & Wade, where I used this shampoo and conditioner. I don’t know much about hair care, but I do know that these products made my hair feel nice and MULTIPLE people complimented how good I smelt that day (it was my hair!!!!!).

I am regrettably a person who washes her hair every day (I have tried skipping days and I simply…cannot), so as much as I’d like to be a daily Olaplex girlie, I simply do not have the funds to support such a lifestyle. These set is very affordable but smells salon quality, I can say that much.

Mushroom Earrings

If I ever go bankrupt, it’s because I spent all of my money on food-adjacent accessories. Sorry that I have impeccable taste? These mushroom earrings are so cheap and cute. You can mix and match the colors because you’re a silly quirky girl with fungus on her ears and you do what you want!!

I have also found that boys love to comment on these. Is that a mushroom earring? So…are you like really into Mario Kart? Cool earrings. Are you into shrooms or something? The second their teeny tiny little peanut brains lock in on a mushroom dangling from your pierced lobes, they are at a complete loss for words.

To be clear, they like the earrings, but they are also confused, in an endearing way. As someone who is constantly deprived of male attention, I cannot help but wear these earrings every opportunity that I get.

Milton’s Crispy Sea Salt Baked Crackers

I have spent a lot of time trying to understand why these basic ass crackers packaged in an objectively ugly bag with a terrible slogan (Eat well. Be free.) are so good, and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. Don’t let the “GLUTEN FREE” label deter you—you can enjoy these even if you love gluten. They’re made with every GF starch under the sun (brown rice flour, corn flour, oats, etc.) and they are an absolute work of art. Compliments to the chefs at Milton’s.

They’re perfectly salted, intensely crunchy, and so sharp that if you’re not careful, they could really scrape the back of your throat (I stayed far away from these during my time with strep). Most grocery stores carry them, but if you’re OD like me, then I’d recommend copping a huge bag of them at Costco.

Herby Cornmeal Buttermilk Biscuits

These flaky, buttery wonders pack all the flavors of Thanksgiving in one bite. I will admit that this recipe asks you to do my least favorite kitchen task, which is grating frozen (or chilled) butter, but I promise you, it’s so worth it. If you have a blade attachment on your food processor, I would highly recommend using that to grate it.

If this is your first time booking dough (folding it into thirds and then rotating it 90 degrees), it may take a little practice at first. Make sure your hands and work surface are floured. Don’t be too precious about it. It’s gonna be a little messy and imperfect—that’s ok. As long as you’re creating layers, then you’re doing a great job.

Once the biscuits have chilled, you can opt to freeze them, where they will keep for up to 6 months. When you’re ready to eat ‘em, you can bake them straight from frozen, they just might need an extra minute or two.

Makes 16 biscuits

• 1 large head garlic, split halfwise

• 1 tablespoon olive oil

• 4 ½ cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

• ½ cup medium grind cornmeal, plus more for garnish

• 2 tablespoons baking powder

• 2 tablespoons minced fresh rosemary

• 2 tablespoons minced fresh sage

• 2 tablespoons minced fresh thyme

• 1 tablespoon coarsely ground black pepper, plus more for garnish

• 1 tablespoon fennel seeds

• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar

• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon kosher salt

• ½ teaspoon baking soda

• 4 sticks unsalted butter, frozen (or chilled) and coarsely grated, plus more for melting

• 2 cups buttermilk

• Flaky sea salt, for garnish

1. Preheat oven to 400°F and line 2 sheet pans with parchment. Place garlic on foil and drizzle with oil. Wrap tightly in foil and place directly on oven rack and roast until cloves are softened and golden, 50 minutes. Remove and let cool. Squeeze cloves into a small bowl and mash with a fork.

2. In a large bowl, whisk flour, cornmeal, baking powder, rosemary, sage, thyme, black pepper, fennel seeds, sugar, salt and baking soda. Add roasted garlic paste and grated butter and toss to coat butter well. Make a well in the center and add buttermilk. Using your hands or a wooden spoon, knead gently into a shaggy dough.

3. Using floured hands, transfer to a floured work surface and shape into a rectangle and lightly dust with flour. Book the dough by folding it into thirds like a pamphlet. The first round of booking might be a little messy–that’s okay! Dust again with flour, press into another rectangle and rotate the dough 90°. Repeat the process of rolling out into a rectangle and booking the dough 2 or 3 times more. Once booked 3-4 times total, shape into a 9-by-12-inch rectangle. Cut into 16 equal squares and transfer to one of the prepared sheet pans. Cover in plastic and refrigerate 30 minutes or freeze for up to 6 months.

4. After the biscuits have chilled, distribute amongst the two prepared sheet leaving two inches between each biscuit. Brush liberally with melted butter and garnish with a pinch of cornmeal, black pepper, and flaky salt.

5. Bake, rotating trays halfway through, until puffed and deeply golden brown, 27-30 minutes. Let cool slightly, then serve warm.

Brussels Sprouts Slaw with Pears, Fennel, and Toasted Walnuts

This salad is the breath of crispy, fresh air that every Thanksgiving table needs. Between bites of turkey and graving and stuffing and potatoes, you need something with a little crunch and acidity to cut through it all. This slaw has vegetal crunch, a ting of sweetness from the apples and pairs, and toasty walnuts. Parm is just an added bonus.

Serves: 4-6

For the dressing:

• 1 small shallot, chopped

• 2 cloves garlic, chopped

• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

• 3 tablespoons sherry vinegar

• 1 large lemon, juiced

• 2 tablespoons honey or maple syrup

• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

• ⅓ cup olive oil

• Kosher salt, to taste

• Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

For the slaw:

• 1 pound Brussels sprouts, ends trimmed and thinly sliced

• 1 large apple (such as Honeycrisp or Pink Lady), cored and thinly sliced

• 2 medium pears, cored and thinly sliced

• 1 medium bulb fennel, cored and thinly sliced

• ½ medium head radicchio, cored and thinly sliced

• ¾ cup toasted walnuts, coarsely chopped

• Freshly grated Parmesan cheese, for serving

1. In a small bowl or mason jar, mix all ingredients with an immersion blender. If whisking by hand, mince the shallot, garlic, and thyme and whisk in remaining ingredients. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Adjust flavors if necessary—if you like a sweeter dressing, add more honey. If you want more acid, add more lemon juice or vinegar. Listen to your heart!

2. In a large bowl. Combine all salad ingredients. Toss with dressing and season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve immediately with more grated Parm and more black pepper.

**Some of these links are affiliates because these spontaneous trips to urgent care don’t pay for themselves!